The Beat Goes On

It has been almost a year since I last posted anything here. It has been a difficult time. Money has been tight and I sold off all my stock to make the truck payments. At least I had that to fall back on–I should be grateful for that.

 

I went to two employment agencies and finally, last month, I got a placement with the County of Sacramento. It is nice to have money again but I do not know how long I will be there–it is, after all, a temporary assignment. I have applied for several positions with the County–we’ll see what happens.

 

Kelly moved to Baltimore in January and is doing well working for a construction firm and sharing an apartment with her friend, Olivia. Colin and Nikki are expecting another baby in October. Makayla is excited about being a big sister. Chris has a job with Papa Murphy’s in Folsom and has completed what amounts to about one semester of school (taking into account the Fs and the dropped classes). He has his driver’s permit and is learning to drive. Pat, Sue and the kids are doing well. Pat is still traveling a lot.

 

Richard plans to retire in a year. Things at work have gone to hell and he has had it. So, we are in an exploratory mode to find out what we need to do to accomplish this in a relatively painless manner. He plans to keep working Union jobs to help make up the shortfall. Actually, between his retirement income, Union jobs, and whatever job I come up with, we may be in better financial condition than we have been in a long time because the house will be paid off in September of next year and some of our expenses will actually decrease.

 

I’m tempted to wean myself off the head meds and see what happens. But the last thing I need is to have an anxiety attack at work. So I may wait a bit and see how I do. Getting a permanent job would be a big boost. It is now a year since I quit at St. Mark’s. I have worked as a reader for students with disabilities at CSUS and for the Dept. of Rehabilitation. Interesting work but the pay is crap given the amount of detail that is involved.

 

I want a job where I am paid well for my creative abilities but don’t have to be responsible for much. Yeah, right.

 

I guess that’s all for now.

Jobs

I still don’t have one–a job, that is. I interviewed at CSUS two weeks ago and have heard nothing in response. That does not bode well. I was hoping to hear by today. No such luck.

 

I spend too much time sleeping. This depression is the worst one I have had. I have always managed to bounce back and at least have the energy to stay awake–but not this time. Today was the first day in weeks that I haven’t slept most of the day. Maybe I’ve reached a turning point. We’ll see what tomorrow looks like.

 

Life

So, I quit my job. It may not have been the brightest move I’ve ever made, but I just had to do it. I was drug into a depression pit worse than anything I have experienced before. The medication hasn’t been working. Reading has been hard and I haven’t been able to write anything. This is the first thing I’ve written in months.

I have applied for several different jobs. Some I was not even considered for. Maybe that’s for the best. I was grossly over qualified for them.

I’m seeing a counselor. That seems to be going well.

I think the hardest thing about quitting was telling my spouse that I had actually done it. We had talked about it before the fact but it took me a while to tell him. The other hard thing was the fact that I am not being replaced anytime soon. That makes me feel bad. It means that all the work that I took pride in is being left undone. It makes me feel undervalued. But I have to let it go. I’m not allowing myself to get sucked into rescue mode–which could happen very easily.

So, I’m jobless and footloose. It’s been a couple of days. I’m hoping to maybe get a little housework done, and spend some time with myself.